about me

kelsey sparkle rakes wrote her first story the night before she was born. it was a rather touching piece about deep sea fishing, and the ending was a real tear-jerker. in kindergarten she had to write in her journal daily. while other kids wrote about their mundane days, she penned a long epic about a girl named kelsey who looked suspiciously like her and got into all kinds of scraps, like eating santa's candy cane palace and not getting any christmas presents.

she then wrote several dead end stories such as "the adventures of sugar and cream" and "the ghost named frederick" before finally striking it big with the self-illustrated hit "how my dog won the lottery" in third grade. she won all sorts of accolades and got be on TV. the children's TV show zoom animated her drawings for their show, it was pretty awesome.

it has been downhill ever since.


from my book's description:

"kelsey rakes never meant to write a book of poetry, but she sort of did. her first published collection is unabashed, unihibited, unafraid, and unforgettable. she writes about death, sex, and mental disorders as easily as she writes about getting haircuts and sparkly tiaras. this volume was conceived after finally conquering her fear of sharks and of dying alone. kelsey rakes currently studies english and spanish at the university of virginia, and after graduation she plans to join the circus and write some more about haircuts. her life is a constant work in progress."